3 Tips to Get the Most Out of Premarital Counseling
/Premarital counseling is a worthwhile investment that strengthens your foundation as a couple as you prepare for marriage. It’s a surefire way to improve your communication skills and make sure that you have aligned expectations as you take your relationship to the next level. Various aspects of your relationship will be explored and addressed in a safe environment with a skilled and trained couples therapist. However, there are a few small ways (beyond showing up to your sessions) that can ensure you get the most out of premarital counseling.
Give yourself a time buffer before and after each session.
If your session is scheduled at 4pm, consider blocking out 10 minutes before and after 4pm on your calendar. This means, plan to be free at 3:50pm and give yourself breathing room after the session as well. This will optimize that you are on time and can utilize the full hour should you have any technical issues (for online sessions) or unexpected traffic. In addition, giving yourself more than enough time before the session allows you to be more easily present at the beginning of the session. As opposed to if you are running into a session fresh out of a stressful work meeting or task. Having even 10 minutes to spare after the session can give you time to process any lingering feelings or thoughts and ground yourself before you transition into whatever is next in your day.
Practice skills in between sessions.
It’s important to prioritize in between sessions! It’s not enough to go to sessions and not spend any time or efforts on the relationship until the next session. I’ve seen couples that “forget” or rarely do the homework because there is “no time”. If you are making the time (and paying the money) for couples therapy, you’ve got to also prioritize the time to apply what you are learning. I suggest couples schedule an hour in their calendar in between sessions every week so that they can dedicate intentional time to reflect, do homework, or discuss about how they are integrating learnings into their relationship day-to-day. It’s imperative to apply the communication and conflict resolution skills learned in counseling to situations in real-time outside of sessions. This also provides space in your next therapy session to explore and address any obstacles that you discover as you practice new skills at home.
When in doubt…speak up!
If you are confused about something that’s being said or need any clarification, be sure to ask your counselor! It’s important that you (counselor and couple) are all on the same page about expectations and that we clearly understand your needs and the action steps to getting your needs met. If you feel like your counselor isn’t “getting” you, speak up! If you aren’t crystal clear about what you are doing in between sessions, speak up! Premarital counseling is a safe space to explore and address any doubts or uncertainties that come up.
If you can apply these three tips, you will optimize getting the most out of premarital counseling. Whether you are engaged or newlyweds, premarital counseling can help you clarify expectations, increase your connection, and gain the tools & skills that are crucial for a successful fulfilling marriage.