Are You Friends with Your Partner?

Oftentimes, I witness couples treating one another as adversaries in the first couples therapy session. They usually are exhausted from having the same argument without resolve and are filled with resentment.

I have great empathy and compassion for the built-up frustration and anger that has usually aged over time, far before they got into my office.

That first session can resemble a wife angrily describing & blaming her partner’s “intolerable” behaviors for their disconnection.

Her spouse may respond by rolling his eyes and mimicking her while dismissing her complaints as “dramatic”.

They may speak of one other as if their spouse is not in the room, complaining of partners that are impossible to live with.

Their heavy sighs, rolls of the eyes, and mumbled verbal jabs are weaved throughout their descriptions of the problematic characteristics of the other person.

In an initial session like this, I allow them to go back and forth for a minute or two before I interject. I’m observing this to get a snapshot of how they speak to each other at home.

Once I get a taste, I might say something like…

“Would you speak to a friend like that?”

There is usually a pause as they take the question in and self-reflect on their tone and the critical language that they use with each other. This usually highlights a facet of intimacy that is undervalued.

Friendship intimacy often is left behind when a couple finds themselves in recurring unresolved conflict. This is usually fueled by a history of not feeling seen or heard by their partner.

So what is friendship intimacy? And what does it have to do with romantic relationships?

It’s essentially feeling a close connection and regard for one another as friends, not just as romantic partners. It’s one of the many overlooked facets of intimacy that I help couples to cultivate and nurture.

Friendship intimacy is a big asset to working through issues and to overall relationship satisfaction. I thrive in helping couples to express their truths while co-exploring how to reframe their delivery with one another. This is crucial in repairing relationship wounds and to healing.

If you are feeling like a foe instead of a friend in your relationship and would like to learn skills to grow this part of your relationship, book your FREE consultation HERE.