While these were my choices, I blamed everything outside of me on my circumstances and dissatisfaction.
Cheating on your true best self can result in feelings of disconnection, both from yourself and others. In order to assess what context in your life you may have gone astray, you may have to ask yourself some raw questions to get to the bottom of it.
Who can you be at work? Who can you be at home? Do you have to tap into the parts of yourself that you don’t like to survive a relationship? Do you feel drained after hanging out with a particular friend? Do you avoid mirrors because you don’t like who you see? If so, then it’s time to do some infidelity repair.
In the context of cheating on a partner, psychotherapist Esther Perel quoted, “When we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t always our partner that we are turning away from, but the person that we have ourselves become. We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.”
The person that we have become and do not like has often transpired due to neglecting ourselves. Note that we must be cautious of why we are seeking to experience ourselves differently. Is it clear what’s missing and why you don’t feel authentic?
This can get tricky as society can pressure us to “be” and “do” things that “should” make us fulfilled.
Seeking out another self may be detrimental if you are oblivious to your inner truth. We must be cautious and aware if we are seeking out a self or a life that society, your parents or your peers have said that you “should” strive for. Are the stories that you are attempting to live out really yours? Do they light you up? Or are they someone else’s?
If your life were a library, is the book you’re reading a page-turner? Or are you simply skimming the pages? There is always more than one story. Don’t limit yourself to the “norms”. Be who you are meant to be and choose your story.
Then live it.