Peep-Show or No-Show?


The glass of wine splashed against my beige top at the bar before I even saw it coming.  A stranger’s elbow had inadvertently knocked my beverage onto me by yawning with arms fully outstretched.  Maybe he needed a nap more than his beer that he had so carefully missed in his yawn-o-thon. 

I would’ve avoided the splash of the evening if I hadn’t been waiting for a friend running late for dinner….yes YOU my friend who is always late, I won’t say your name for the sake of confidentiality and all…Rebekah. 

Anyway, this sleepy fellow offered his condolences expressing he’d had a rough day and apologized for extending his “bad luck” to me.  I looked at him inquisitively, not wanting to pry, but nonverbally letting him know that he could divulge why his day was so bad if he wanted to. 

I always brace myself when people say they’ve had a rough day.  Especially in New York.  Does that mean you had a commute where you didn’t get a seat on the subway and Starbucks messed up your gluten-free-cinnamon-apple-bun-latte?  Or do you mean a tree fell on your car while you were in it?  You never really know what’s coming. 

Anyway, the very verbal Victor goes on to dive into his latest saga with his relationship. 

Side note:  You ever JUST meet someone and they begin talking about something in the middle of the story as if you already know what happened prior?  This was one of those situations.

Talkative Tommy goes on to tell me that he had discovered that his girlfriend had escalated from going through his phone to going through his diary.  I asked if he had caught her in the act or if she had told him.  Neither.  He learned of her journal-snooping by opening up his journal to write an entry to discover comments in purple ink on the sidelines of his previous journal entry AND the one before that.

There were comments in his girlfriend’s writing such as, “Oooohhh really?  That’s how you feel?” and “That is NOT how it happened.  You are delusional” and “You Piece of Shit, I will cut your d**k off if you really think our relationship lacks trust” among other threats, verbal abuse and passive aggressive remarks. 

I asked him what happened afterwards, curious how a dialogue ensues after such an intrusion.  His girlfriend’s entitlement to a full-on peep show of his journal with commentary was bewildering to me.

He shrugged his shoulders saying, “I didn’t say anything.  What is there to say?  I’m not going to bring it up, for what?  I just won’t journal anymore…….or I will start a new one and hide it in my trunk”. 

His resignation made me uncomfortable with what I considered to be a major invasion of privacy.  What pushes us to the point of snooping to this degree?  More importantly, what makes the snooped-upon so accepting of the matter? 

Chatty Chase reassured me there had been no infidelity that might contribute to his girlfriend’s need to eavesdrop on his most intimate thoughts.  Regardless, not only did she snoop, she left comments as if the diaries of others have become Facebook stomping grounds.    

Society tells us that a successful relationship requires vulnerability, honesty, and trust.  Does such honesty ever extend to having access to your partner’s diary, cell phone or having each other’s passwords?  Is there a limit to transparency?  Is there a space that should just be our own that doesn’t invalidate trust and transparency? 

Some argue that trust is when you can have full access to whatever your doubts desire and not find anything hurtful or incriminating.  Others say that needing that access abolishes any true sense of trust in a relationship.  What do you think?